“People don’t want to hear anything I have to say.” This is the thought I used to play on repeat.
No wonder I shrank into my little turtle shell. I could never find the words. My mind would literally go blank!
Even though I felt like I had SO much to say, I suddenly had not one word to speak. (Unless I felt triggered, then I’d jump full steam ahead on the defence train!)
Can you guess my next thought?? “People think you’re so weird - why can’t you just be normal?!” And that did little to help the chaos.
This is a thought loop that still rears it’s head from time to time. One that is so deeply wedged into my psyche, I’ve carried around this belief for what feels like lifetimes. Who knows where I picked it up?
This is how many of our beliefs work. They aren’t really ours. We collect them, soak them in and then start identifying with them. And then they’re automatic.
For women, I think thoughts such as these are deeply etched into our subconscious. We've been passing them round for centuries. Mother to daughter, grandmother to mother and so on.
We receive these messages through marketing, through society. "Don't be too loud", "Don't be too quiet", "Be attractive", "Don't be too opinionated", "Don't be too emotional".
It's enough to keep anyone quiet.
Here's the "conscious" remedy (meaning you'll still have to catch yourself when you're back in your thought loop):
No matter who you are or what you have to say - you are going to piss someone off. Fact. So, don't be the one to piss yourself off. Someone else already has that covered.
Liberate yourself. Find your voice. Learn to trust your voice. Especially, your inner voice.
Use it. Lean in to the fear and speak for all the women who came before you who couldn't.
And start off small. Next time you're having a conversation with someone and are asked for your opinion, don't shrink back and simply agree - lean in, speak your truth. Even if it's silence.
It's worked for me! Now I've got a business centred around speaking my truth. If I can do it, so can you.
Lots of love!