As I write this I am sitting in the Piazza della Repubblica in Florence with the sun beaming down upon me… Freddo espresso in hand with a view of the centre of the piazza. Ahhhhh bliss!
I’m waiting for my sister, Jamie, to come and join me. She doesn’t arrive for another hour. And just as I thought to myself: I could really use a seat, I spot a perfect chair with a little table glistening in the sun. That chair has my name on it! So I sit and I wait. Bliss.
Don’t you love it when that happens? You think something would be really nice and… it just appears!
I’ve been doing a lot more listening lately. Listening to my body. Listening to the universe. Looking for the ease… the flow.
And with that I have been receiving a LOT of signs from the universe that it’s simply time to pause. What’s the rush?
Taking the time to pause and reflect when we have so many things we want to achieve, especially as we come to the end of another year!, can feel counterintuitive. But I have deadlines I really want to make! I think to myself. But why… the universe asks me: Why are these deadlines so important to you?
Well… because… and in that pause I discover something about my self, my situation.
Hitting these self-imposed deadlines is important to me so that I can prove my own worth to… myself.
I realise in that moment that I have been secretly waiting for myself to fail. Sitting by waiting for any shred of evidence that I can’t do this, that I’m going to mess up … that I am not enough.
In that beautiful, sweet, delicious pause I see again. I see that I and only I, am responsible for all the resistance and struggle I have been feeling. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY STRUGGLE.
Saddened… by my poor behaviour to myself! I feel a smile forming. If I am responsible for my struggle, the resistance that I feel… then this means that I too have all the power to end the struggle. At any moment.
No struggle. Ahhhh Bliss.
And so in that pause I find ease and flow… and most of all I take another steps towards love.. for myself again.